New Beginnings

With a tremendous amount of peace, I bid farewell to my art career.  It’s time to close this door, my friends. “Peace that surpasses understanding” is the best way to describe this. While many will not understand my decision, many others know what it’s like to be “called” to something bigger than oneself, and those people also know that the call eventually gets too loud to ignore.

“Growing Wild” is a unique ministry platform that I have been divinely tapped to develop, lead and teach. I have spent the last year prayerfully listening and obediently creating this exciting new way through which God is inviting us to know and experience Him. Much like my wedding day and the birth of our children, this moment feels like the beginning of many years of True Joy and Fulfillment yet to come. I was made to encourage others in the journey towards everlasting Freedom. I now know this for sure. If you are the slightest bit curious, I invite you to come join the conversation or even quietly begin to observe.

I have an IG page for Growing Wild, @Sarahottsgrowing_wild but the majority of this work will be done in face to face experiences: home studies, weekend retreats, destination trips, speaking engagements etc. I am not affiliating this ministry with a church or religion, but rather taking it into the WILD which is the whole idea!

Thank you for following and supporting over the years. I know...that I know… it is time to close this door. Another one is cracking open and inviting me to walk through it. After a year of trying to figure out how to be two people at once, I know I must “decrease so He can increase”. This is an emotional time as goodbyes usually are, but I am not sad. Truly, there is so much hope for the beautiful things to come. Thank you to all who have been lifting my family and me up in prayer through this faith leap, and for all who will continue to pray for us.

May God bless you and keep you, my friends. May he make his face shine upon you and give you peace. 🕊️

with big LOVE,

sarah haas otts

Therefore GO and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

John 28:19-20

*remaining art, prints, products and books remain available at Ashland Gallery in Mobile Alabama.

New Mornings

“New Mornings” 40x40 oil on canvas

My October has been a whole month of "new mornings". The light is clean and new like a morning sunrise that lasts all day.

Interesting, though, seeing that it's fall which is literally the dying off of the summer growth, yet our natural tendency to wonder at nature's transitions allows us to experience gain in the fall. We welcome it with hope for what’s to come and sink into its comfort like a new chunky sweater.

Couldn't we use those same eyes to look at the other falling back things? We could if we chose to. And if we chose to use our eyes of wonder to look at all of life this way, what kind of beautiful new seasons would we find ourselves gazing into, walking into, embracing with hope and comfort?

Not only is this outlook on life possible, I know that looking up with the wondrous eyes of a child will lead me to more joy and peace. I have experienced the life altering power of perspective. It truly changes things, and it is always an option, but it is up to us to choose to adjust our view. The only stance from which this makes any real difference is from the higher Rock— the foundation of belief and faith in a God who is 100% good, trustworthy and redemptive. With God, old things don’t just fall off the face of the earth without a new good thing on its way. I know this about him— I’ve experienced his character and seen him work the losses into gains, and so have you if you’ve ever marveled at a colorful fall scene. He is a God of more… abundantly more. For this reason, I choose, over and over again as the seasons of life shift, to not look back with mourning, but rather to look up into the new morning light. The sky of heavenly secrets always has more.

 I lift up my eyes to the hills.
    From where does my help come?
 My help comes from the Lord,
    who made heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved;
    he who keeps you will not slumber.
 Behold, he who keeps Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

 The Lord is your keeper;
    the Lord is your shade on your right hand.
 The sun shall not strike you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

 The Lord will keep you from all evil;
    he will keep your life.
 The Lord will keep
    your going out and your coming in
    from this time forth and forevermore.

Psalm 121

Assurance

In a world that is admittedly broken, where do we find sure footing?

Nothing about the material world around us was made to hold up. It is all fleeting— temporary. When we put our confidence in something we have been told is not sturdy, why are we so shaken and surprised when it fails to hold us up? This has been my year for finding my footing, as well as, my not so sure footing, and yet, despite it all, the upheaval, confusion, disappointment and frustration, I can’t help but consider it all to have been worth it. It’s allowed me to uncover the solid truth.

There is only one thing we know for sure. Only one thing has withstood since the beginning of time. That’s not even a figure of speech. I mean this one thing has never changed. It was there when time began, and it will be forever. The most consistent thing we know of is also the most powerful force ever— so powerful we cannot relate. Which might explain why we so easily forget to remember this is the only truth.

Each and every time the sand shakes and shifts beneath our feet, each time the upheaval, confusion, disappointment and frustration sets in, despite thousands of years of explicit warnings, his mercy never fails to rescue those who believe. New Mercy… morning after morning…mourning after mourning. Why do we do it? Why do we keep choosing wobbly foundations? Why do we put our hopes on the unreliable?

His mercy never fails even when we do. The Maker of Heaven and Earth never runs out of gas. He makes trip after trip from Eternity into the temporary, broken land to personally take my hand and help me out from my mess of rubble. And so, there’s something about the shifting sand…that…I don’t know…. it feels weird to say it…. I’m grateful for it? Because of this situation, this sandy moment, I get to experience the King of Kings become my personal, real-time Savior, a King whose compassion is so deep, it never runs out. He keeps coming to help me sort things out, to reflect and see where I placed my trust on an unsteady foundation.

Count it all JOY my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds…

These words pulsed through my veins as I experienced the truth that there is only one consistency in this life, and the learning of that truth brought me a satisfying and comforting sense of joy.

Lots of changes lately…interruptions, rearrangements, reestablishing, rediscovering— a time of realizing that no earthly thing is guaranteed to be consistent or reliable— no person, no possession, and no ability. But realizing that truth, and the process of establishing this as the new foundation beneath your life, may also feel like demolition.

For you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance.

A life of true purpose takes perseverance and requires endurance. The process of becoming truly free and useful for a greater purpose, turns out, is mostly about unbecoming the things we were never meant to assume about ourselves in the first place, rather than adding on more things to be and do. And it’s a conflicting process, but in order to build back stronger, we have to knock down what we built on false foundations. We have to tear down the things we built upon cultural assumptions, people pleasing, false identities. These things were never capable of holding up the weight of life.

The process of building a life on truth and purpose is not like building a life the way we so often see. It’s not about adding new levels of achievement. That’s good news. Right? We’re saying that the “good life” does not take striving and climbing towards goals. I think that’s good news? …it sounds like good news. But why won’t it sink in? Why won’t my mind accept that it’s even possible?

The world sets examples everywhere we look… it tells us to stack up achievements and possessions the way a brick layer builds a house. And before we know it— we’ve followed that example and piled a ton of obligations upon a worldly foundation that was not designed to hold that kind of pressure.

We have to ask ourselves: Who told me this was the way to build my life? The culture around me? My fellow creations? Or the God above me?…the one who created me at the beginning of time with a plan, a dream, a purpose? Our brains get programmed to the operations of this world— so committed to the system of piling on bricks, earning and striving our way to the good life, assuming that the way it’s being done by the others is the way it’s suppose to be done. We get so used to this way that when someone tries to set us free from this thinking we question their sanity! But truthfully, there’s so much about these assumptions that makes “asses of u and me”. It’s me that the “ass” when I fall for it and trap my life under the world’s ways. Cuz we are not of this world— just in it. We are not here to assume the ways of the world. We came here to bring the truth into the world: ”May your will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven”. No human being on the earth knows why you are here. You are not the tail trailing behind the other creations ideals. You are the head, and you are leading a life and a heavenly purpose all your own.

The Living Spirit of God is still alive and active today. The Holy Spirit can help you to distinguish your truth from the world’s false assumptions even when the two are as intertwined and difficult to distinguish as bone is from marrow— but only when we have the courage to ask for that distinction— only when we have the audacity to not assume. Why do we waste our days living out assumptions when we are capable of that kind of discernment? Why do we keep working so damn hard to build our lives on the wobbly foundations of cultural standards which make no promises to hold up over time?

I’m writing this to remind you and me both: don’t misplace your trust. When we put our hope on an unstable foundation— a person, a job, an ability— we are just gambling with time— waiting to see not if but when that foundation will fail to support the pressure we’ve put on it. Those things were not designed to carry so much weight. And we were not designed to rely on them.

When worldly foundations fail us, let’s take it as an opportunity to see where we have mistakenly built on an unreliable foundation. Accept the opportunity to start over and rebuild, but this time on true and solid Rock. This world doesn’t know it all, and you can tell just by opening your eyes and looking around. The world is not sturdy enough to hold all our hopes and dreams, but God is, and he comes with the Promises to back it up.

When we’ve put too much pressure on a person, a job or a possession to supply our joy and fulfillment, it will eventually fail. It isn’t made to last, and when it lets us down, the result is a very significant lack of joy. When this happens, I challenge you to not wallow in self pity, but to instead, count it as JOY because that’s where this is allllll heading. When the sands shift, you still have one Assurance: a Savior— a powerful King who offers a personal hand in the rebuilding process.

And know this: your pure heart is not being punished. This is your good God revealing to you the poor foundations beneath your feet, giving you an opportunity and his help to build back better. This is the gift of sight— the God of mercy giving you the eyes to see. I will always remember the times he pulled me from the rubble and helped me clean up, when he polished my life to shine with a brighter reflection of Him.

Ask him to search you and give you the wisdom to see false footings. Ask for courage when it’s time to tear down, rearrange and rebuild. You don’t have to wait for it all to come crashing, and you don’t have to fear the demolition process either. Embrace it. Let him reveal what needs rebuilding… and what needs polishing.

Count it all JOY my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds…

For you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance.

And let endurance have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord, he is a double minded man, unstable in all his ways.

-James 1:2-8

Face Shine

We speak things into existence. It’s true. Speak good, get good. Speak bad, get bad. Speak indifference, and you will likely have a fairly so-so experience in life— nothing sinister but nothing especially good either. This is something we have known since elementary school… “Treat others the way you want to be treated”, “what goes around, comes around.”. It’s the Golden Rule. We attract what we put into the world. I want to attract blessing, so, I’ve realized I should be generating it too. And I don’t just want blessing for myself. I genuinely wish it for others— for the whole world for that matter! I also want to attract more inspiration, and so I generate that as well, by sending it out from my art and my spoken and written words. I want to attract joy, loyalty, honesty, consideration, love and so on… so these are the things I send forth to the best of my ability.

I have learned a lot lately about our ability to bless others, and what blew me away was that I, just your basic believer, have the power to truly bless another. You also have this power in your life as a believer. Blessing is one of the most powerful ways we speak good into existence. Because Blessing is not just done with the spoken word— it goes deeper. Blessing is spoken with the heart, soul, mind, and the power of the indwelling Spirit. It’s a complete package of belief, and that is what makes it so powerful.

This has inspired me to change the way I paint. When I create a new work of art, I am inspired to use my entire being— heart, soul, mind and the Spirit within me— to do more than make art. From this point on, I intend to bless each every new creation.

When I create, I am acting as the image-bearer I was created to be. We were created to create in reflection of our Creator. We are creations. (Repetition like this exists for a reason: its emphasis.) After our Creator created his beautiful creation and the living creations within it, do you recall what he did next? He blessed it! So, likewise, I have blessed this newly created painting, and I titled it “Face Shine”. I blessed this painting out loud, in my studio, as I painted it. I know I must seem like a crazy lady talking to my paintings, but what the Golden Rule says about the way we use our words tells me that it’s worth feeling a little cray if it means I can speak good things into this broken world. I can and should speak into the things I make, and so can/should you. What if someone had spoken blessings into everything I brought into my home? I’d like that, and I believe it would change the way I experience my home. How powerful is that? And the truth is, I want my art to be more than “stuff” on the walls. I always have. But now I have a word for it: blessing. I want to create blessings with my creativity. And that just feels right.

I hope to inspire you to bless the things that you create. Your meals, your blueprints, spreadsheets, home repairs, even the clean laundry. Anything you create with your hands, your heart, your mind, emotions and the indwelling Spirit within you, bless it. This is how our careers and our activities morph into more than just work and task. This is how our creations becomes more than just stuff. This is how we lead lives with purpose. It feels right for a reason. My job title does not establish my identity. My identity is found in the way my life honors God and impacts others. That is, after all, the legacy we leave behind— the memory that remains. We were created to create with the creative Spirit. We were created to love. And we were created bless.

(Thank you Pam Hanes for your beautiful lessons on “Blessings”)

The Lord said to Moses, “Tell Aaron and his sons,

‘This is how you are to bless the Israelites. Say to them:

‘ “The Lord bless you and keep you;

the Lord make his face shine on you

and be gracious to you;

the Lord turn his face toward you

           and give you peace.”

-Numbers 6:22-26

The Truer Truth About the Night

“A beautiful night”: it’s when we find out that the truest truths look backwards in this world. 🌒 To look at the dark— the moments of uncertainty and even suffering— as something beautiful, feels counterintuitive. It feels backwards and wrong, right?

It was the darkest moment of my life so far— a time of treading water in the cold, black creek of pain and loss.  But it became one of the beautiful  moments to remember, the first of several “beautiful nights”. It sounds backwards, I know, but it’s the truer truth.

When something sad or hard happens, we can get caught there— in the cold blackness of suffering. And when you’re living in it,  it ain’t pretty. You’re not calling it “beautiful” in the midst of the uncertainty and sorrow. It’s unfair. It’s heartbreaking. It is not what we planned. It’s hard, scary and disorienting. And yet, I can tell you that in my soul, I have come to consider those moments to be deeply beautiful.

When Love himself comes swooping into the dark places the entire set shifts, the plot twists and everything turns backwards. I have watched it play out, and I can tell you that the Light can save you from treading water. Seeing that Light, feeling its warmth at a time of such coldness, undeniably turned those times into some of the most “beautiful nights” I’ve known.

I had it backwards before. Much of the world has it backwards. Of course suffering doesn’t feel good, but what it can do is turn us around to face the one we truly need. When there wasn’t anything left to reach for, that’s what it took to truly put me in the arms of a good and loving Father; a very present (and real) help in times of trouble.

We are free to reach for the beautiful Light in those dark nights, but it has to be our own choice. We gotta have the courage to choose the truer truth, even if it seems backwards.

There is a reason we read  “do not be afraid” hundreds of times in the book of Truth. The TRUTH is: we aren’t meant to live a life swimming in the fear of suffering, but rather to embrace it when it comes. Embrace it with the one who oughta know— who suffered tremendously so we could reach for the Light in our own dark nights.

May you find the courage to believe in the truer truths. And may your darkest hour become your “beautiful night”.


Childlike Freedom

I wanna be a free spirit when I grow up. I wanna grow freedom. But how does True Freedom grow?

It turns out, it takes work to grow freedom, hard work. Who knew?? I thought free spirits just didn’t care what others thought… those go with the flow cool creative types. Growing True Freedom didn’t go quite like that. When I asked for a truly free spirit, what grew was a choice. As I stood in a briar patch I could no longer ignore, I was forced to choose: stay stuck in the stickers, or pull on some leather gloves and work my way through it.

Prick. Ouch. Poke. Ugh. Stab. Ooow.

In this season, I began to handle some things I had been stepping over for years. And as painful as that season was— God allowed it. He allowed me to get pricked and scratched. He couldn’t do this work for me, but he was with me.

Can I be real? Freedom ain’t cheap. And it don’t come easy. Don’t let the peace & love hippy vibes fool you. But if I thought my metaphorical blood-sweat-and-tears season was hard—it was nothing compared to the real work that was already done. There were real thorns, and there was real blood. Jesus already paid for my Freedom. So if I wanna be free, I can be. He made a way. But I still gotta do what it takes to get to it.

I am free to walk in a Garden of God’s Love. I am free to know him and be near him in all areas of my life, not just in a holy sanctuary on a Sunday; I can be with the Father on my walks in the neighborhood and in my art studio and in my car and in the shower and in my dreams. But before the real thorns and blood, this homegrown relationship I have with an Almighty God wouldn’t have been possible. There were Holy boundaries, defined restrictions, and rules on rules on rules…until Jesus simplified things. He tidied up all the complexities, and he broke through a veil that blocked my path to the Garden-like God. He did it all for me to know this free flowing Love. But if we aren’t paying attention, we could accidentally live outside of that expensive freedom. We might even live an entire lifetime stuck in the stickers— all while the power tools we need to free our feet just sit in the garden shed. We have the tools we need to walk freely, but are we choosing to use them?

Today there is a briar patch tripping up a whole generation of people; a mental health crisis is growing wild in this country. If it isn’t affecting you, it probably has a grip on someone you love. Minds are tangled in thorny weeds of past pain and threatened by the idea of future thorns. A mind that is shackled to the past is stuck, and that’s not the life Jesus died to give us. When we find ourselves thinking about what happened, or what could have happened, or what should’ve happened, we are not living in the present day. The gift of this day is stolen. And when our minds are swarmed with worry and fear of what the future might bring, we are filled with crippling anxiety, and again, we are not living in the present day, but in some imagined future situation. The mind can easily get tangled in these thorny patterns. So how do we get our minds unstuck? How do we break free and keep advancing towards God’s good and beautiful dreams for our lives? The dream Jesus died to redeem.

I wish someone had told me long ago that being a grown up doesn’t mean you suddenly possess the power to know-it-all or to predict the future (if they did, I wasn’t listening). I wish someone had told me that grown ups are just tall children still wingin’ it (try as they might to make you think otherwise). Maybe I could have been more present on the past days that I don’t hold anymore, and maybe I could have been less hard on myself about protecting the days that aren’t even mine to hold yet. Maybe I can be that someone for you. Here it is: You aren’t expected to know it all, to have the power to change the past, or the power to predict the future. Let that go. You are only asked to be here, now, today. Be still, and rest in knowing that you have a Father who does know it all, and he will hold your hand.

Presence has power because the present tense is all we hold. It is to our advantage to use what we have in our hands right now. Presence becomes our weapon against an enemy that only wants to hold us back. Presence is your superpower; a way for you to fight for your Freedom.

But what do we do when Presence isn’t enough warfare? What if we are present right now, yet we’re still injured and scarred from the thorns of the past? What do we do when a past offense is still offending us today?

You may not even realize that you carry a tool for this very purpose. I didn’t know the power I was holding until I asked for Freedom. With this weapon, we can go into battle. Because this fight for our Freedom— it is a full on war. It is The Truth v. the lier. The Giver v. the destroyer. The Promiser of Eternal Life v. the killer of dreams. Jesus shows his believers how to use this tool to advance us towards our Freedom. The tool is called Forgiveness.

With this tool, our past doesn’t have to be our future. Our mistakes are not our identity. Our misfortune is not the end of our story. Our hardest journeys build endurance, not calluses. Forgiveness sets us free. But see, are we choosing it as much as we could be? We aren’t very quick to forgive others or ourselves, and that’s where the enemy gets in. When we don’t forgive, he has us right where he needs us. Offended. Confused. Afraid. Doubting... Stuck.

It’s just that forgiveness doesn’t come naturally. It doesn’t seem logical when there are clear and present pains and offenses in this life. Is that why it took a supernatural event to teach us the power of Forgiveness? It took a supernatural Savior wearing a crown of thorns to show us the power that Forgiveness has over the darkness.

Forgiveness unties us from anything that tries to hold us back from our best life. Forgiveness makes a way for us to get back to that Garden-like existence— a life of Color and Light, where we walk with Love Himself. In the Garden, our lives bloom with Trust, Hope, Love, Rest, Peace, Joy, and finally, Freedom. Forgiveness is what redeems this dream our creator has for us. It lets us experience a Love so powerful that there is nothing we can do that The Father cannot tend to. Jesus’ forgiveness towards us as he died by man’s violent hand taught us all what we needed to know.

My friend, your Freedom comes when you look directly at what holds you back, and you call it what it is: offense, confusion, fear, doubt. Freedom comes when you stop stepping over it, and finally deal with it. It’s your choice. But might I suggest a little pruning? Cut back the dead branches and make room for color to bloom, for love to bloom, and for lost time to be redeemed.

How cool is it that I can be a free spirit even though I will never be cool enough to deserve it? I am free to just be present right here and right now. Not because I’m so cool that I don’t care, but because I care too much to be cool with anything less. There is more to have and hold than thorns and stickers. And the people in my life today aren’t guaranteed to be here tomorrow. So I choose to forgive so we can get on with the day at hand. Yesterday is not mine anymore, and tomorrow is not mine yet. My life isn’t even mine. I didn’t give it to myself, and I certainly couldn’t save it for myself. Come to think of it, I don’t even know why I’m here. I’m all grown up and all I really know is I need a Guide— someone to take my hand and walk with me. I’m just a child, still in need of a Father.

It was factored in all along: Forgiveness. It was always going to redeem what the dark had broken. Forgiveness would take us back to a Garden-like way. True Freedom grows in a forgiving season, and when your season comes, may you have the courage to pull on your leather gloves, and do the Garden Work. It is your choice: stay stuck in the stickers or run into the sunlit clearing ahead. Forgive and rediscover your childlike Freedom.

Promise Shells

Saltwater Promises 48x48

To walk in faith is to walk blindly. But, in my own walk, I’ve found myself searching for something to cling my actual sight to as I go about this way. I know what it means to have faith without sight, but let’s be honest, sometimes we need visuals. Take it from an artist.

What reassures us along the way? What do we see that lets us keep believing this way is The Way. When I can’t see where I’m going, what helps me see with faith?

Promises.The Promise Keeper’s Promises are like markers on my map. They reassure my heart as I find my way through life. And when I cling tightly to his Promises, I walk with more Trust and build more endurance.

I’ve spent months studying biblical Promises, but none more than the Promise made to the Israelites when they were led to the Promise Land of their Freedom. These shell paintings represent, not only God’s Promises, but also his unlikely ways of fulfilling his Promises. Imagine being on that quest to the Promise Land! If I walked that miraculous seafloor road to freedom, I would have snagged a souvenir or two; something to serve as a daily, visible reminder of what I experienced. And that’s my purpose for these shell paintings. They remind me that the Guiding Father has made countless paths when His children could see no possible way through. He was a way maker then, he is a way maker now, and he will be making ways forever. He makes roads paved in Promise— even when all we can see is a dead end the size of a sea.

I know all that. I believe it too. But still… I don’t know… I have a hard time imagining how. Look— the Promised mother, Sarah, laughed at the absurdity of God’s Promise! A 90 year old woman, a mother?? No way! How in the world?! See? We are not the only ones struggling with this Promise thing. We are not the only ones challenged to believe it could be possible. Yet, here we are!… representing that laughable Promise. We are Abraham and Sarah’s Promised descendants—as many as the stars in the sky! And likewise, we are heirs to that Promise Land of Freedom. Impossible paths have been paved for us. Freedom is a Promise. But it’s up to us to believe it even when we can’t see it. It’s up to us to trust the Way Maker’s Way.

As I collected shells on the beach last summer, I recognized that I could hold and collect all these beautiful and faithful Promises as easily as I can collect pretty shells on the beach. I can allow Promises to became something real and useful— something visual, tangible and collectible— and not because I need to see it to believe it, but because seeing it reminds me to never stop believing it. By assigning one Promise to each shell painting, I am teaching myself to recognize the supernatural powers that are working beyond my sight. May these Promise Shells serve as your daily, visual reminders too— because God makes paths even when we see no possible way. His ways are not our ways. And that’s a promise!

Promise of Compassion: Psalm 86:15

But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God,
    slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.


Promise of Rest: Matthew 11:28-30

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Promise of Love: Psalm 36:5-7

Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens,
    your faithfulness to the skies. 

Your righteousness is like the highest mountains,
    your justice like the great deep.
    You, Lord, preserve both people and animals.

How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!
    People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.

Promise of Freedom: John 8: 31-32

 To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Promise of Answered Prayers: Psalm 37:4

Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Promise of Provision: Philippians 4:6-7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Promise of Strength: Isaiah 40:31

but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint.

Promise of Everlasting Life: John 3:16

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Promise of Good Purpose: Romans 8:28

 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Promise of Protection: Psalm 91:2

I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.”

Promise of Help: Isaiah 41:13

For I am the Lord your God
    who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
    I will help you.

Promise of Peace: John 14:27

 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.


Promise of Guidance: Proverbs 3:6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.

Promise of Support: Exodus 14:14

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

Promise of Companionship: Matthew 28:20

And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.


Where Water Flows

“Where Water Flows” 36x48

Does the water’s edge bring you peace? There is something undeniably peaceful about water, and I think most of us can agree on that. The inlet where I live, Mobile Bay, geographically scoops into the northern coastline of the Gulf of Mexico collecting the waters of 5 rivers before releasing them into the Gulf. Its port city is steeped in history, but so is its surrounding land. There is rich story in “America’s Amazon” where the 5 rivers meet before flowing into Mobile Bay. But when we say “history”, don't we all go to the “who’s who” stories of the past:

"Who settled where? Who claimed what? Who sacrificed? Who fought? Who said that? Who gets credit? Who do we thank for this?”

Who?

Perspective influences the way we look at what we have, and when we back up our view of time, we perceive all that took place before this day and who was there. Before this day’s bay of fisherman fishing, skiers skiing and bay boats boating— a lot happened in this encasement. That sense of perspective keeps us aware of all that came before our simple days on the bay. It helps us to remember just what value we have in these waters. So what do we see when we back the view out even further… even higher?

When we look past the early Spanish explorer of 1519 who reported a sense of Holy Spirit in this northern inlet, what do we see? What do we see when we look even further, past the Native tribes who first resided in the fertile land of the delta? What was here before them? Who was here first?

Land is handed over man to man, generation to generation, and so it is easy for us to forget who truly holds the deed. But the water, it still actively moves along the surface of the earth, pushed and pulled by the moon. There is still a notably cosmic effect happening in the water. It is moving before our eyes at the hand of something so much bigger than our own. While land can seem so man-handled, water is undeniably still in its Creator’s hand. To stand near a body of water is to witness first hand the powerful presence of spiritual Peace, an undeniably massive power. To stand before an endless waterscape— one can feel so minuscule. Just as one can feel so unnecessarily frantic when standing before the stillness of a low tide. Standing near this earth’s natural bodies of water, our worldy troubles are put into perspective. Our restless anxieties and nervous energies can seem so powerless, so needless.

Water is so much more than pretty scenery and a luxury for leisure. Water front property is a front row seat to an ancient history. No wonder we sense Peace there. He is there.

View available/past work from these inspirations here!

Sea of Dreams

giving wild and free vibes on the bay

What are your dreams? And when is the last time someone asked you that? Have you even asked yourself that question?

There is something about summer time that invites us to dream. However, I gotta say…we adults aren’t the best dreamers. Children are way better at dreaming. So maybe it was childhood that set up summer as the season for dreaming….barefoot wandering around the neighborhood without a school day’s agenda…relying on imagination for entertainment. Summer always brings me a sense of whimsy and calls out to my childlike wonderment. Summer makes space for me to dream dreams for this one wild and free life I get to live. (God Bless America! 🇺🇸)

This series of art, “Dream Catching”, it visually looks like my summer scenery. Lately, I have been spending a lot of time wading around in my “backyard” on Mobile Bay, and I am inspired by the joy and delight I discover in these sights and experiences. My newest set of paintings is called the Eden Water collection, and I’ll tell you why. As I explored the waters north of the bay and returned home to paint the imagery, I learned that the word Eden means “delight”. And delight is what I find in my watery neck of the woods. Then, as I looked to Psalm 37:4, I was awakened to a truth about dreams and our delights.

Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

A Delight is defined by the dictionary as a “great pleasure”.

When I enjoy the very life I have today, here beside this bay; when I delight (take great pleasure) in the wonders of my natural surroundings and honor them with my art, I am celebrating this beautiful creation!  Anytime we celebrate something or someone we are showing our gratitude. And when we show gratitude we find ourselves experiencing joy, a sweet and simple sense of joy. That’s because gratitude leads us to joy… and so what then comes after joy? If delight leads to celebration and celebration leads to gratitude and gratitude leads to joy…what does joy lead to?

Joy, the sweet and simple kind, leads us to our dreams!

To experience joy in the here and now, is to stand at the edge of the sea of dreams and peer in on the deep desires of the heart. Finding delight, celebration and joy seems to bring us closer to our heart’s desires. Like shining a beam of light deep down into the deep waters, our pleasant experiences seem to make us more aware of our heart’s deepest hopes. It’s like we forget what they even look like until we get closer to them. And, I believe these deep dreams of ours are anchored to our life’s purpose. Why else would we all have different joys? Why else do we all have different dreams if not to lead us to the unique plans for our lives?

With this closer look at dreams, I began to see that my heart’s desires reflect the very plans God has created for my life. And now I can see it’s a loop; a cycle of companionship, a delightful partnership, just the way he planned in Eden. We delight in his presence and he in ours. When we celebrate his gifts at the surface, he shows us something deeper.

It’s like a day at the beach with my kids. I’ve spent all morning making sammies and packing the cooler and the beach bag and the towels and the toys, cover everyone in sunscreen, and haul it all down, set it up, and when I finally plop down in my sandy chair, here they come with their plans to go to the pool. And I shake my head no and smile— not because I don’t want to give them the desires of their precious little hearts— it’s because they haven’t yet enjoyed the fruits of my labor!! I tell them to just be where we are for now; let’s enjoy what we have here and now, together!…and later we will go to the pool. This is the day I have worked hard to give to you. Let’s enjoy it gratefully. (except I’ll probably say “damnit!!” under my breath somewhere in there.)

When we delightfully celebrate now, we show gratitude, and our gratefulness gives us joy—but even better than that—our delight gives joy to the one who provided the opportunity. Our joy is rooted in our recognition of the One who made it all possible… the Maker of everything from Heaven to Earth, from me to you. And this is how a fulfilling life starts in this delightful Companionship. A relationship cannot thrive without consideration and gratitude; like a marriage cannot thrive unless two people truly delight in each others company.

The one who dreamed a dream for your life has cast his wild ideas into the sea of your heart, and he wants nothing more than to see you hook those dreams and reel them into your life. He wants to give you the desires of your heart because they are connected to the desires of his. Delight yourself in the presence of that huge Love.

There will always be something we don’t have; the bright blue pool will constantly try to lure us away from our delightftul day at the beach. That is how comparison thieves away our joy. Since we know that to be true, we can believe and trust that gratitude can truly give us joy. And, for that matter, we can believe and trust that dreams are not just for children. Grown ups are dreamers, too. So, what are your dreams? What are your heart’s desires? If that question still leaves you feeling immature and uncertain, follow the trail to your simple joys, to the places and spaces that delight your soul; there, my friend, you will find a sea of wild dreams… just waiting to be caught.

“For God’s sake— DREAM!”

The children know. They haven’t had time to forget. They still remember what we adults have forgotten. Children know how to dream, and how to believe, too. They haven’t spent enough time in a world which will tell them to “Stay grounded. Be realistic.”.

Maybe, as adults, all we need is a reminder. We need to remember how it feels to trust a wild idea. Maybe we even need permission— better yet— examples of other adults living and dreaming at once.

See— I’ve been working on resting. Sounds delightful, I know. But it is a task. I’m working to choose the slow pace when stillness calls on me. And it’s peace that I’m working towards. Peace; the real life sensation of Trust. I felt a deep down need for peace. I dreamt of peace. And then I woke up from a deep sleep with an undeniable recognition of… Dreams. And here we are, and one might even say, I dreamed of dreams.

What I am able to recognize is that, in all of our hurry, we have become a generation who struggles to dream. We struggle to feel the tug of a dream. Why? Because we are rarely still enough. And we aren’t focused. We are so busy hustling that we can’t justify time for peace— Peace; the real life sensation of Trust.

We don’t even grant ourselves permission to sleep adequately… sleep! A vital necessity. It’s no wonder we aren’t dreaming anymore if we are hardly even sleeping. With that said, not all dreams are experienced while sleeping, however, all dreams do require stillness and/or focus; i.e. meditation, painting, fishing, a quiet walk. Dreams don’t require a still body as much as they require a still heart.

This idea of “dreaming”… go with me here… let’s think of a dream as a balloon floating high above, and it’s got a long string, and the string is tied to your heart as you live in this life on this earth. This string means that, even as you wrangle with the real and present challenges of your life… all the while, your heart is still connected to your dreams. Even as you pay the bills and drive the carpools, your hearts is still dreaming, and the strings of your dreams are still tugging. But I’m willing to bet, you can’t feel those bouncing tugs, what with all the bumps and turns, the schedules…quick more coffee!…and then the meetings and the games and, perhaps most distracting of all, the damn expectations.

How do I know this? Because I can’t feel them either. I can’t hear or feel through all of that noise and commotion. But I want to. And it was peace that showed me how to. Peace showed me the way to dreams. It said, “Be still and know.”. Be still so you will know where to go… when to act…how to move. Peace gave me clear dreams and dreams gave me peace… the peace of mind that I am on the track of my own life.

You know the little weights we purchase with the birthday balloons at the grocery store? The ones that keep the balloons in place so not to disappear above the parking lot?  Just in this way, all our busyness anchors our dreams as they attempt to lead and pull our lives in certain directions. Our bustling plans tell our dreams to, “Stay put. I don’t have time to go chasing you around.”.

Why? Why do we feel like all these little tasks and expectations (there’s that word again) exceed the priority of our heart’s dreams? Why do we anchor our dreams and insist on moving according to all these other agendas?

Have we lost our permission slips to wander with our dreams, with our hearts? When did we forget to remember to dream? How old were we? One day, we were young, and we dreamed, and we reached for brightly colored balloons on strings, and the next thing we know, we are older, and we have stopped dreaming. And we are just following the leader, robots in auto pilot. Why? Did the world tell us (show us) that dreams are for kids?: “Stop. End of story. The End of dreams.”

That’s pretty much it. That is what the world says. But, we are not of this world. Just in it. And we haven’t lost our ability to dream. We just forgot it. We still have those balloons of floating dreams. It’s the permission part I’m wondering about. Why do we, as adults, need permission to do what came so naturally to us as children? Why do we struggle to believe our dreams have significance? Do we feel unworthy? Unworthy of a life of pure and simple joy?:

“If I can’t see anyone else around me living out their dreams, it must tell me that dreams are unrealistic and therefore, insignificant.”

-us living for this world

That’s us when we forget to remember Who creates our dreams; when we forget that the Creator of all things also has a direct line into our hearts. We forget that God has his hand in our dreams; that he blows the breath that moves the balloon; that he is the Puller and the Tugger, the Guider. Do we forget to remember that he is the one providing these ideas and visions, wild as they may seem? And if the Creator of all creation is creating our dreams, who are we to call them outrageous and wild? Who are we to call them unrealistic? If God is with our wildest dreams, who are we to be against them?

One of my favorite things about going to Disney World is the opportunity to look around and think about the imaginative conversations that brought this magical place into existence. This place is a rare witness to the outcome of limitless imagination (and funding too it seems!); this is where nobody said “no”, but instead asked “how?”. As a creative person, that is my dream! Because the word “no” can feel so insulting sometimes. So limiting. So lacking for trust and belief in grand possibility. Instead of “no”, if we could maybe just go with “how?”, and let the brainstorming begin! Because, even though sometimes the answer is eventually “no”, down the path of “how” we can discover a different kind of “yes”. And that’s how imagination thrives with trust and belief. “No” stops imagination in it’s tracks, but “how?” lets it wander off to find the solution.

What must it be like to look at this world from on high? This place in which he had imagined we would use more belief in his ability to answer our questions of “how”? He imagined we would walk with him and delight in his companionship and feel the cool wind of his life giving breath…which I’m sure is beyond minty fresh! Is he looking around at a world of us who aren’t letting him do his thing?… aren’t letting him guide with the tug of the heart strings? Is the Creator of all the things, the King of the universe, the Author of every new idea—does he ever feel a creative block? Are our “no’s” offensive to God? Is he feeling perpetually tied down by his own creations? As we anchor our dream balloons to the ground to keep them from floating away into absurd places, are we trying to outsmart the heart? As we try to manipulate our lives, are we trying to out-create the Creator??

In the process of us outsmarting our hearts— are we being too “realistic”? Are we setting limits on what God’s immeasurable imagination has intended? He is the ruler of dreams; he is the sender of high hopes and visions. And we’re down here trying to micromanage the Authority on life itself. While he is already doing immeasurably more than all we can even think to ask for or imagine with our limited capabilities, we are telling his dreams for us to “Sit tight. Stay still. Don’t go anywhere crazy! I don’t have time for that. I don’t have time to chase you down!”

Laughable, right !?! And it seems, that while we are running circles around ourselves, we are the ones that need to sit tight, be still, and stop running crazy. Because when we do, that’s when the tug of a dream is felt, that’s when the Voice of the heart is heard. We have this backwards. Dreams don’t need to sit still and wait for us, we need to sit and wait for dreams.

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10

Exalted: elevated in rank, power or character: LOFTY. Raised high: ELEVATED.

(Merriam-Webster Dictionary )

Whether we realize it or not, he is way ahead of us. Not just higher than us. He is in our future. And he is pulling us there. He is calling us by name right to the places he’s planned. And he is using dreams to tug us there.

So why do we need permission to dream? Why do we set limits on our lives? Why do we tie His balloon strings to the ground? Why do we limit ourselves to merely our own understandings instead of letting Him take us into the wild dreams He has planned?

I’m discovering and understanding that the dreams of our hearts are as divinely purposeful as they are far fetched and unrealistic. The dreams of our hearts are also the dreams of God’s heart. And even though dreaming is something we tend to leave for the young and artistic— dreaming is for everyone!…the teacher and the engineer, the accountant and the bus driver/mom. Dreams are for the young, and they are for the very old. Dreams are for teenagers and the mid-agers. New, creative ideas, big and small, come into all of our hearts and lives everyday. And they comes with a reason; a purpose!

When a new thing gets ready to come into your life, will you make room for it? When a new thing comes knocking,  do you have the Trust and Courage to let it in?… will you allow it to expand into your life? …Disruptive as it can be! Because dreams will do that too. Imagine a big balloon pushing into your little Mini Cooper. Dreams take up space and change the atmosphere. Dreams don’t just pull and tug, sometimes they push!

What if you let it? How Trusting can you be? If you remember who pulls the dream string, will you discover that crumpled up permission slip you shoved deep into the pocket of your youth sized blue jeans all those years ago? Will you give yourself permission to stand up and follow your dream? What would it be like if we all stopped bursting our own bubbles? What if we didn’t keep our lives anchored? What if we let our Dreams lead?

And His plans? They await.

And our dreams? They lead.

Dreams lead the way towards the plans that await.

If you’ve been blessed by a dream so bold it frightens you, don’t hide under the covers. It is true that this is a gift; a blessing from that good, loving gift Giver. The dream means it’s time to stop clinging to your security blanket. Stop popping your own party balloons in an effort to keep everything under your control. I invite you to celebrate your life. I invite you to Trust the pull of your dreams.

The balloon beckons

from on high.

For God’s sake—

don’t tie it down.

Love Grows Roses

This is something I wrote to share at an advent service at Government Street Presbyterian Church on December 21st, 2022. I wanted to share it here. There are personal stories and reflection, and also revelations of how God has worked through my art in the last year. This is how he grows roses in unlikely places.

photo taken Jan, 7, 2022

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind. This is the most important commandment. And, equally as important, love your neighbor as yourself. We also know that God is love. All this means that Love is not a one way street. It surrounds all of us. It loops between us and within us and is directed towards God and it comes from God. It is alive and on the move, and boy is Love capable of surprising us.

We’ve heard beautiful and personal reflections this month about the experiences of Hope, Peace and Joy in real life circumstances. It seems to me that the commonality in all these statements has been the element of surprise. It appears that, in real life, God’s hope and peace and joy come in unexpected ways. And love, even with all its pretty heart shaped imagery, is no different. Love, too, can show up where we least expect it, when we are the least prepared. Like joy,  love can even feel out of place or inappropriate. Often times love does not come in a pretty package with a bow. Sometimes, love even seems to have a sense of irony.

There are times when God’s plan proves to be a true mystery, when there is so much darkness and pain that we can’t figure out how this could possibly work for good. There are times when we’ve even questioned His presence at all, let alone his love. But when I look back at those times, I can see that—even then—He was there. Even in those very moments of doubt, and pain and darkness, there was the silver lining of God’s love; the glimmer of light in the dark night reminding us that his Love reaches further and deeper than we can even take our imaginations. His tenderness is beyond our comprehension.

My sister shared with me this weekend a quote that said something about how our God is not the God of  I told you so…. He’s a God of … Come here. I’ll keep you safe. I’ll keep you warm. I have more for you. Trust me. I will never leave you. Do not fear. I will help you. And most of all, he is a God of  “I Love You”.

While I have not ever heard him say to me “ I told you so” in retrospect, he has told me things, and sometimes, what he has told me, has seemed ironic or contrary to anything I would have chosen on my own. In the work I do as an artist, He guides me towards certain topics he wants me to work within. I try to keep a rule with myself as I create art. I try not to question the inspiration that lands on my heart, and instead, I try to just lean in with belief, even if it doesn’t make sense to me right away.

Love has certainly been a cornerstone topic for me. Within this last year He has drawn my attention towards roses… I felt that he was asking me to paint roses, a symbol of love, and so I did. I incorporated the imagery of a blooming rose on its stem into several of my paintings, sometimes, ironically, without proper relevance or scale to the rest of the composition. At times, it seemed like an odd place for a rose, but I knew this element was not ironic. Because our God is not a God of irony. He is not a God of boastful, snarky comments like “I told you so”. He does not make mistakes and he does not misspeak. He is a God of goodness and truth, of purpose and plan. And, at the end of every day, he is a God of Love.

Sometimes I have to stop myself from exclaiming “How ironic!” when something cool and crazy takes place. But honestly I don’t believe in irony. So I don’t let myself say that. I believe that when something seems wildly unlikely but oddly relevant at the same time— that is God at work—that is God growing lovely roses in muddy places.

13 years ago, December 12, 2009, Robert and I stood right here where I am standing and started our life together. We sang my favorite Christmas hymn, “O Come All Ye Faithful" with our nearest and dearest, but it was also as if that song was calling on all of us in the sanctuary. As if God was saying, “Come on all you faithful people, we are about to celebrate this couple in the most unexpected way you’ve ever done this!”. Because outside of those doors, as we said our vows, around the 4th or 5th inch of rain was landing on Mobile. And another 4 or so inches would come down throughout the night on my parents backyard, where reception tables stood in the kind of soggy mud you’d find on a river bank in the Delta. All that rain did more than just water damage; you name it, and it went wrong. To the point that we had nothing left to do but pull on rain boots and dance in the mess. And so we did. We celebrated that night… until the wee hours! Love was about all that was left to focus on. Not only the love between the two of us, but the love of our family and friends who braved that nasty night with a tall drink and a lot of laughs. But the truth is, love was the whole reason we were there anyway! Was it ironic that our wedding ended up that way? That night there was a perfect rose, in the middle of the muddiest party you’ve seen since Woodstock; a most unlikely and undesirable circumstance for a traditional southern wedding, but nevertheless, a beautiful—and might I add FUN—night celebrating Love.

A few years later, we were having our first child. Now, I don’t know about y’all, but before I had kids, I kinda thought all newborns looked the same. I guess I expected a slimy, swollen baby to be born, and that I’d get to know this person later on, once they started growing hair and eye lashes. But when I looked into our wailing 9 pound baby girl’s face, something felt familiar. I somehow knew her like I’d known her all my life, and at the same time, I was introducing myself to her. And I soothed her cries as if I actually knew what I was doing. This little rose bud introduced me to a new kind of love, the boundless unconditional love of a mother. I couldn’t believe that she was ours. I felt blessed —for a literal lack of any better word. A true blessing in my arms. Looking at her brand new face was like looking into the love of God even amidst the hospital room hustle and the pain and discomfort I was feeling; amidst what seemed to be the destruction of my own body, this little pink rose rested on my beating chest.

If I believed in irony, I would say that childbirth is ironic. But I don’t. I believe in God’s tender love sprouting roses in painful, messy places.

Another time the unlikely rose appeared, it sprouted from grief. If you’ve experienced loss, you are aware of that seemingly ironic sensation, the overwhelming presence of Love in loss. Someone told me that grief is the experience of having love… just not the person to whom you would have expressed it. Having lost that person, we are left with a pile of love and no place to put it. And that feels confusing, disorienting, frightening and overwhelming. In my experience with grief, when my dad died just two years ago this month, I witnessed God’s Love come in tight and close. As loss pulled the rug out from under me, I looked up and reached for the only thing I knew would catch me.  I reached for God’s Love, and I pulled it closer to me than I ever had. I learned to wrap myself in it and believe in those promises he makes when He says he will never leave us, when he asks for our right hand and our trust. When he says I will help you. When He says, I love you.

Jesus said, “Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4)

Blessed are those who mourn?  Isn’t that irony? It’s easy to pull the pity card, and stomp our feet when we are faced with loss, when someone we love is snatched away. But Jesus is saying we are blessed to know this pain. Once again we are tempted to just label that as irony, an unlikely pairing of words, a shadow too dark for a rose like that to grow. But it’s not irony. This is Jesus teaching us of his Father’s far reaching love. He’s saying that God can grow roses smack dab in the middle of our grief. He will drape us in his comfort and meet us right where we need Him most; a warm light in the unbearable darkness.

I say this because I know it is true. In my grief, God reached into my heart, and He told me so. He said “Do not fear, I will help you.” And that is a blessing in this broken world where death is a fact of life. Not if but when death comes, he will be there to comfort the broken hearted. And in that way, we will be blessed.

And He did help me. He showed me how to grow roses from grief. And being the obedient painter, I followed those quiet inspirations as he left them on my heart. He pulled my attention towards His own creations. I started slowly and abstractly at first, horizontal lines rendered landscape visions giving me a sense of inquisition that made me want to study this natural subject further. Within the views just outside my door, around the bay and out in the open air, up in the delta and from the highest and clearest point on Spring Hill, I experienced wonder like I’d never known. God helped me; He led me to look up to the ever present beauty that surrounds me every single day; His glorious gifts of creation: the outstretching light soaked fields, the glimmering surface of the bay, the silver lined clouds and the birds that soar between them. Suddenly, it was as if God’s enormous and magnificent love was everywhere, surrounding me, ever present and never failing. He was right, this would never leave me. Right in the middle of the most pain my heart had known, was an unlikely celebration of Love. I’ve been surrounding myself in that Love ever since. Within these last two years, I’ve painted hundreds of paintings celebrating creation; vibrant roses that sprouted from the darkness of grief.

God’s love is not ironic. It is simply good. And it comes in forms and at times when we wouldn’t expect it to come. Love in the flesh, the Rose of Sharon himself, was born in a most unlikely setting. The angels sang and the world rejoiced despite the ironic circumstances. The King of Kings, the Prince of Peace, the Greatest Gift the world has ever known came to us in a barn surround by the cooing sounds of animals. Ironic? I think not.

Because there is no irony in God’s love, and there is no place beyond his loving light's reach. Watch and see, as he grows roses in unlikely places.

“May the Garden Grow”?

“May the Garden grow” is something I keep repeating in relevance to my new book. But what does that even mean? I had to ask myself that very question! I know what it means as it scrapes the surface, but I needed to dig deeper, to unearth the richness in that soil.

As the ole hymn goes, "I come to the Garden alone, while the dew is still on the roses." The Garden is what I call my studio, named after that song. And, by the way, you're welcome to come visit! But when it's time to paint, to really paint, I'm there alone. This "Garden" is not a green patch in a concrete city or even a container garden... (hah!) there is not even a live plant here! This garden grows other things. This garden is a place where figurative seeds are planted and watered.

It seems that the word “garden” has been following me. Like a playful puppy dog, this word has been right behind my heels waiting for my attention, waiting for consideration and recognition. Through my creative works, I have been pondering this word. I’ve considered that it perhaps refers to our own growth and fruition. I’ve also considered it in the context of purpose and the fundamentality of “pleasing the Planter, not the pickers”; the one who placed us here versus the ones who pick us apart with criticism. I’ve most recently considered the original Garden, the original Plan, and how it was based on Trust, Hope and most of all Love. And I ran with that latter consideration and stretched that theory out into into a book. I reflected on and described what I believe it to look like to have Trust in God’s plan, Hope in his future, and most importantly a heart of Love. And even now that the book has been written, and the pages have been printed, even now that the book, “Looking Up”, is in the hands of readers, these words, “the garden”, they still linger. They still ask for more consideration. “Say more! What exactly do you mean by may the garden grow?”

I had the same questions. In an unlikely order, I continued to study my own words after I literally wrote the book on them. “May the Garden grow” still had more to offer, more to dig into and unearth. I had more explaining to do. I needed to further understand why the “garden” concept has landed in my hands with so much weight. Why has God asked me to apply that word to all of the work I am doing in this season of life? Why does He continue to ask me to water it?

What I confidently know now is that “the garden” refers to The Garden, The Garden of Eden, where everything began with a vision. Yeah, we gotta go way back to the beginning, to that first perfectly beautiful plan in which we were to walk within the Garden with God by our side. In the cool of the day we would have delighted in His physical presence and He in ours where we would have fully trusted his guidance. Until the plan didn’t stick. And basically ever since then, since the fall, since the plan cracked, God has been mending said cracks, using words of golden light to restore our Trust in his plan, our hope for his future making known the Love in his heart, the enormity of the love he has for us, his children.

The fact that we constantly refer to this Garden is proof that the Garden has not been forgotten. Though the Garden of Eden may be long lost, we haven't lost the concept of his original plan for Trust, Hope and Love, only the physicality of it. We haven't lost our ability to go to the figurative Garden where we delight in the loving presence of Love himself and he in ours. But it takes work, yard work, if you will. Because what was a tangible relationship is now one that is based on faith. What was perfect and good (even easy and pleasant) became broken and in need of repair and redemption.

The Garden of Good has been in renovation mode. It exists the way a vision of a home in disrepair exists. It’s loaded with potential, but you have to close your eyes to see it. You don’t buy into the reality easily because its not there visibly. It takes belief and faith and constant affirmation to trust this thing you can’t see yet. You have to simply believe in the vision, in the possibility that a broken stack of lumber could become a thriving home. The Garden is a very present reality, a kingdom, not yet a physical, visible one, but rather a state of the heart, and it needs watering. It needs tending to. It needs someone, lots of someones, to believe in it.

“The Garden”/ the Kingdom/God’s original vision; it is what grows when we place Trust, Hope and Love in everything that we do. In the Garden, in the realm of belief, I know God is not just our creator, but he is our companion. In the Garden, we strive to Trust his plan and his guidance, always, especially when things go terribly wrong. In the Garden we delight in His hope. In the Garden, we believe that our hands can water something He has willed to grow. In the Garden, we will use our lives to Love others as He has loved us.

This brick and mortar studio building isn't called "the garden" because it resembles a pretty English vision of greenery, nor does the Kingdom of God have anything to do with fig ivy walls or luscious plants that appeal to the eye. The Garden I keep referring to is where goodness and love grow, where invisible yet tangible vines climb over concrete walls and locked gates, where the branches of good and humble character burst through tiny cracks in stone and reach deep into the dirt to find their way into the hearts of our neighbors. A little bit of foliage goes a long way in this Garden. Grand, flamboyant gestures and bright proud displays are not as effective as callused, dirty hands. The gardener is humble at heart, gentle and generous in spirit. And even as we come in all different shapes and forms, with different interest and skills and lifestyles, we can all be good gardeners, we can all love. So let’s make way for the Light. This is the Garden of Goodness and Love, a kingdom of Trust and Hope. Let us be the ground keepers. May we see to it that the Garden is watered and fed. May we see to it that the Garden grows.

The Dark

Are you afraid of the dark? Me too. Aren't we all? when we can't see well enough to know and trust what's happening, we go to fear.

Even though there is an unmistakable darkness in my latest work, don't let it haunt you. The depth of these darks are only highlighting the glowing Light. The deeper I paint, the more prominent the light; both the source from which it comes and the areas of which it touches. There's even something romantic about this depth. This palette has an old world vibe- this depth of color is as old as time. I also get a sense of boldness here-rebellion kinda like when I dyed my blonde hair dark and purple in college. Just when y'all thought you had me pinned as the rainbows and sunshine artist, here I am painting stormy dark skies. "Keep em on they toes" is what I like to say. That is what gets noticed, after all!

My art comes *to me* though, not the other way around. I didn't decide to paint this way in order to get noticed or to convey these concepts. It came *through* me so that I would. And I can see that this art came to speak about the ever presence of Light. The titles of these are "Watering" and "Weathering". But as I approach their completion, the narrative points not just to the storm but to *where and how* we endure storms- even more specificall- where and how we experience the storms. The point of view in these paintings is from a high, dry place. Here, in the safe distance, we can see the storm's composition. From the outside, we can see the light that's just beyond its heavy, watery clouds, as well as the light within the clouds. We see the strength and power of light. Here on this rock, we feel a sense of protection, even as we witness a storm before our very eyes, we're able to see how the light is ever present and powerful.

I believe this is a call for the cultivation of the rock; the homes we build- whether physical or figurative- whether you allow that to refer to where you dwell or what you dwell on- the strength of our rock is what allows us to endure the rain and wind with trust in and reverence for an ever present Light- even when it's hard to perceive.

“dream catching” artist’s statement

“Cookie Jar” 22x15 oil on paper

I’m reaching into a cookie jar. Like a child, I’m lifting myself up on my tippy toes which are turning white from the weighted grip they have on the ground. My long body reaches high. My arm is stretching up, and my hand hangs from my bent wrist as I feel  around inside a colorful, fluffy cloud. I’m feeling for the sweet treat I know is inside. I know it’s there, even though I can’t see it or even describe the way it looks, but I’ll know when I’ve found it, just as soon as I can feel it. When I feel it, I’ll know.

This whimsical imagery describes a dreamlike vision I recently had. It graciously provided me with a narrative for the aspect of spirituality that’s embedded within my recent artwork. This dream embodied what I’ve been doing lately; reaching for something unseen, only felt.

This is not the first time I’ve found myself comparing my art and spirituality to something sweet or thirst quenching. These colored clouds I have been painting are deeply satisfying to create, like how it feels to enjoy a refreshing cold beverage, but then again, the paintings themselves are rich and dense like chocolate cake. And, then, sometimes the obscure colors remind me of sugary crystals, when you can’t quite name the color. It’s more like looking at a prism— all the colors at once.

I’m playing with the light in these cloud forms, choosing the placement for the light and how it enters the cloud and at what angle. Some clouds have light filtering throughout their form while others only get a perimeter outline of light; a silver lining. Some clouds absorb a warm tone of light like the clouds on the opposite end of the sky as the setting sun.  I’m also considering the weight of water in each form, and how it hangs in the space. The way each cloud wears its water will effect how the light gets through it. Does that begin to sound representational? Because it does to me! While I’m doing this painting, I’m also reflecting on how we wear our “water”, our pain, and how the light is coming through us. If you were a cloud, would you be infiltrated with light? Or would you have a silver outline?…densely blocking the light so that it can only grace the edges? Would you be a pink cloud who keeps a jolly disposition but, also, a safe distance from the sun? Maybe you’re a lofty cloud with no fear of heights, soaring for the vast space and the light that waits there? These paintings have all of these clouds. And though there are significantly dark colors in this palette, the dark is not a subject on its own; the presence of darkness is always there, hanging in the backdrop. The shadows in the clouds are due the weight of the water. The darkness is not what is most effective about this art, it’s the light and the water, and how the slightest bit of light is all it takes to contrast the darkness.

A low key palette leaves me with lots of power in the lightest colors with which I paint. As the darkest areas take on even darker glazes, the lightest areas suddenly spark, even when they weren’t turned up bright to start with. The same way the darkest days of our lives make the slightest sliver of hopeful light all the more effective and noticeable. This makes a point to remind me that it is not the darkness that makes us who we are, we all encounter dark days, but rather, it is the light and how we allow it to infiltrate. The light allows us to encounter life in color.

Even as this work contrasts my prior art, it is no less “bright” than my vibrant and abstract color-on-white paintings of the past. There is still a vivid take away here. I can still sense something youthful and hopeful happening. There is still something childlike in these weighty works. You know, as children, we were set up to be afraid of the dark…movies and tv, books and ghost stories. Cue the voice-over: “The darkness contains something you can’t see and therefore you shall be afraid of it.”. These paintings contain something I’ve never seen—they have me craving something I have never had a taste of before. However, I am not afraid of what the dark visions have to say. I’m intrigued. They have me wandering around in a midnight dream that is taller and, at the same time, deeper than anything I have ever known, but I am not afraid of its darkness.

The dark isn’t as easy to paint as the white was. The white came from a can. But, I can’t paint these paintings from a single tube of paint, from a single color. I can’t whip them out in an afternoon. These take days…weeks. In the same way, I couldn’t have painted this art two years ago; it took the experience of a few hard seasons; it took layers of life to get to this particular color. It took countless times of choosing faith, and waiting to see what consequentially happened next. This color does not come out of the tube. This color took years to form, layer by trusted layer.

Spirituality happens similarly. We develop a complex awareness of our existence over time. It doesn’t come straight out of the tube. It can’t be learned in a sitting or even from going to church every Sunday. A deep sense of spirituality comes in layers of time spent living life through faith; in making choices based on faith, not fear. And the more we allow these layers of choices to build, the more abundant and rich the color of life becomes.

I could not have dreamt my dream of reaching into a cloud of “cookies” two years ago. I didn’t even know how to paint a cloud yet. I had not begun to look up yet, at least not like that. I hadn’t experienced the indescribable color of God, yet. Nor, did I know how it feels when His Light reaches down to warm my cold, wet skin. But, I do now. And now I know (and trust!) that the act of painting takes me someplace I can’t take myself. I am allowed to collide into a dream like sense of knowing. I get to drift off to someplace else. The “Dream Catching” series looks like a place we would sink into in the middle of the night. It feels like the scenery of a distant place; somewhere unreachable, yet, at the same time, it’s unquestionably familiar. The sense of familiarity isn’t quite like the dark night, nor is it the same kind of shadows we find in a storm. It’s as if this art is simply pointing to the light; the light that defines the indefinite dark.

What I know, after my most recent layers of life, is that I am a dream catcher. I sense light in obscure ideas, in dreamy visions. I permit myself to wander deep into their fantasy before coming back “down-to-earth” with something physical. I turn a dream of the light into a reality— something imagined becomes a thing to look directly at and ponder over. I believe that these caught and painted dreams take to the earth to fill voids in certain souls, to fill empty, hungry bellies, and some of these empty bellies don’t even hear the growl of their longing. They may not have even known they were looking for something until they felt it. There have been many works of art— sung songs and written books— that have filled a void when I was hungry. While we— the artists, poets, musicians and creatives of all kinds— are the dream catchers, we are not the dream makers. I am not the creator of my dream, just the one who witnessed it, who trusted it. I’m just another fisherman bringing home her lucky catch for which the whole village may benefit.

I dreamt I was reaching into the cookie jar of the sky; the sugary colored clouds that I have been painting. I was reaching so intently for something I did not even know how to visualize, but I knew I’d know when I felt it. Like a child reaching onto the counter, a little hand patting around blindly for the cookie he knows is there, but he can’t actually see with his eyes. Even as my feet are planted in the imperfect dirt of earth, I’m’a be reaching for the light. I love the hope of reaching something higher, of —at the very least—trying to grasp at something I’m not yet permitted to see; something sweet and comforting. Though it is beyond my reach, the attempt to reach it is too irresistible.

Like a fisherman heading out of harbor with faith in an ocean he can’t fully comprehend; like a child reaching onto the unreachable counter, I’ll venture into the artistic realm of fantasy in order to catch something wild and unseen. I’ll trek into the wilderness of wonder in hopes of capturing something filling, something restorative, something that is as ethereal as it is real. Something that satisfies our hungers for hope. I’ll keep reaching into my dreams to deliver art that feeds our weary souls and reminds us to look beyond the fear of uncertainty. Reach, even when you aren’t sure of what you’re reaching for. Sometimes the reach is all we can choose, it’s the only thing left to do. Though we can’t see what comes next, let us reach for it anyway.

Dream Catchers

Imagination crosses the line. It sneaks into another realm and takes a good look around before coming back to reality. Our imaginations will wander to places we've never known. How is it that we can visualize something we've never even seen? Of course I've seen many'a cloudy skies but never this one-never these colors and shapes. This wasn't created from a photograph; I had to reach into another realm to find this material.

For a minute here, let's consider us artists as “dream catchers”; voyagers venturing into the wonder, grasping obscure ideas and bringing back our catch. We are the fishermen of fantasy transferring our caught dreams from imagination to reality, bringing the unknown into the known, letting the unseen be seen; the merely imagined becomes an actual experience. Artists are the curious souls looking to wander into the other realm willingly bringing back their catch for all the empty bellies. But maybe you don't have to be an "artist" to go fishing for wildly imaginative ideas. Or maybe it's that, in some way, we are all artists, we're all "dream catchers"... And it's just that we're not all pulling in our catch- we're not all driving it home.

Fear despises creativity, so it does what it can to make us afraid to venture out. If we dare to do it anyway, we are often still nervous about bringing it home to deliver something that our world has never seen-when the truth is- these caught dreams are what the world is waiting for! This picture of Fifi in my studio today is what jogged my imagination to the other side sending me straight to the words "dream catcher". I came back to reality to write about my findings; what it means to be a "dream catcher".

This little girl is a dreamer, an artist by nature. Her mind wanders to that wonderful place- like most children's minds do. Which reminds me that we all started life with wanderlust. It's this world's limitation that ties down our imagination over time... keeping us anchored to what we see and know concretely.

Wander into the unknown. Dream wildly. Collect your findings, and bring it home. We're all waiting to see what you've found. We're hungry for a fresh catch.

sho, september 19,2022

Getting Out of the Way

Sometimes we stand in our own way; our own plans block the path for a new thing that's ready to come forth. How do we know when we're getting in the way? What does it look like when a new thing gets ready to make its way in? Does it come down the street waving a bright flag? Well, no. Does it march to a beating a drum? Can you smell it, touch it or taste it? No. If we stand in the way of something new, it's because we usually don't sense it coming, at least not like that. There is another sense of perception that alerts us of the new things. It's not visual or audible, touchable or tastable; it's a subtle sensation, a tug, a yank, like an invisible toddler at the hem of your skirt. This unseen sensation won't leave you be. It's as hard to ignore as it is to pin down. It's strong yet peculiar. It conflicts with what we know. But it is to be trusted. If we learn to trust that sense, we might learn to get out of the way. We may even find ourselves to *be the way* through which the new thing will come. I moved out of my lovely little gallery last month- against my own will. I abandoned my carefully made plans, the vision and the venue. I left the pretty, polished showroom for the roughed-up, paint-stained studio. There was a yanking sensation that told me to do it. It said it needed less of that and more of this. It needed me here, not there. It was hard, but I abided. And as soon as I did, the new things arrived. A light came into this studio with a truth so strong it burned off anything excessive and distracting. The light surrounded the truth at the core of my work and reminded me about the power of trust. Trust got my plans out of the way. Trust erases the plans we penciled in for ourselves. Trust unties the knots we tied ourselves to. Trust sets us free to be creative. At the end of the day, a creative life is what I crave, but a truly creative life requires Trust- not firm plans, not fear, Trust... with a capital T. And this kind of Trust can take us precisely where we need to be when a new thing gets ready to parade through.

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?"

-Isaiah 43:19

sho, september 7, 2022

Lion's Point

"Lion's Point". That's the name I heard today as I finally completed this one which I've been nurturing for weeks. I've been in a weird season, not actually painting much. It's been a month(…..) for other creative endeavors; the move from the gallery and another big project that I can't tell you about quite yet, but it's almost time. In this admittedly stressful season, I've been retreating to this painting letting it have a way of nurturing me right back. (Painting is the healthiest thing I can do sometimes.) I sensed that this painting was going to serve as a threshold-a means to lead me into a new... idk…something? Series? Season? This painting represents the separating of what was from what will be, and then today as I completed it, I heard the title. It landed on my heart, heavy as the weight of this palette. Not in a dark way, but a weighty way that is similar to these colors; bold and undeniable. It was striking.

A lion is fierce with courage and faith, and this art is making a lion's point. But, I also look at it as a place, a geographical point called "the lion's point"; a peninsula jetting out into the open water; a threshold made of earth. I've been nurturing my cloud craft as well as my career in general. I've been in a season of cultivating courage, of trusting truth and believing in it, fearlessly. Today this painting came forth with affirmations of courage. I believe this painting to represent the courage it takes to lead a creative life. May it inspire you to be beautifully bold; unexpectedly bright.

sho, august 29,2022

Mount Up

Mount Up 48x48

My eagle paintings represent divine mission; a symbol of purpose.  Can we consider the term divine mission for a minute? Cuz, whoa. That’s a loaded statement.

A mission is an important assignment, and divine refers to heaven sent; God intended. On the day to day, it’s hard to perceive that our lives are just that; a divine mission. Within the maze of our daily lives, are we focused on the mission? Are we taking flight?

There are eagles among us. I’m sure you can think of a few in your life. These are the ones who are flying high because they sensed that their life was an assignment, and they accepted the challenge. These are fearless leaders flying into the elements with the courage one can only acquire from a heart of faith. These eagles fly higher than our earthly minds will believe is even possible (immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine). And, these eagles are not certain selected people. No, I’m not referring to the rich and famous special chosen ones.

Folded up inside of every person are a pair of wings. These wings were established at the design level; they exist naturally. Flight was an intentional feature. If we aren’t being useful in the way we were designed to be, how can we successfully fulfill our mission? You know what I mean?…Why make a thing if not for a reason? We aren’t accessories or “set-abouts” just here to make Earth look cute. There’s a reason, but not everyone trusts that, or maybe, not everyone recognizes it yet. Those who don’t trust their design or even notice they have wings, couldn’t possibly come to fly.

The wings that enable us to fly are not just for our thrill of soaring and gliding through life. Our mission is tethered to a bigger scheme; a plan. There is something that we are to do in this world, and it serves the greater good. We are each set apart from all the other billions of people. Mass production would have been way easier, but no, He’s a maker, a creator, an artist. Mass production is not His style. I relate to that. As an artist, I don’t make just to make. I make art with substance and purpose to speak to the heart of the viewer, not just their eyes and the color schemes of the living room. There are no mass productions of people here. We are individuals, made by hand with careful thought and plan. So we can’t expect anyone to fully relate to us or our mission.

No one here on Earth knows exactly what you are here for; only you and your heart and the One who made you. For that reason, we can’t go walking around on foot asking for permission. Don’t be asking the ducks at the park if they can see what the eagle perceives from a mile high. We have to trust our own perceptions, our own design, and sometimes… most times… we have to trust it without any company; no confirmations, no cheerleaders. Along the way to fulfilling our assignments there will be people who won’t get it. They won’t, not at first. Maybe not ever. Like most good lessons, I’ve learned that the hard way. I’ve looked into many’a blank stares and raised eyebrows, squirms and smirks. And, I’ve let it affect me. There are two different ways for the reactions of others to affect us; negatively and positively:

“Ok, this is too different it’s making people stare.”, or

“OK!! This is so different, it’s making people stare!”.

Why do we feel the need to get validation and approval before we fly? We’ve been tricked into the thinking that we are ostentatious and audacious for going big. Many times we stay close to the ground because the chickens told us that its too scary up there. Bird Fact: Eagles soar so high that there are no other birds for them to fly with…unless it’s other eagles. Know what else? There are actual birds, with actual wings, that don’t ever take to the sky, like chickens. Can you imagine? Having real wings to fly and just….not. These are the ones making all the racket down on the ground….using words like “can’t” and “fail” and “impossible”. Remember that!… there’s something to be said of the noise on the ground, the ones gathered for gossip and here-say, these birds are not looking to fly, just to watch and comment. That noisy an distracting sensation pulling you low, those are the very voices of fear and doubt, and if that’s all you can hear, that should be your surefire sign….. It’s time for a new altitude. It’s time to get high. 

Have you ever seen an eagle in flight? If so you know what I mean when I say, that wingspan will take your breath away! Bird geek or not, an eagle is majestic and mystical, and after so many years of being virtually unseen, now, when an eagle flies by, I don’t care who you are… ya gonna put down your fork and notice…. slow down your car to gawk. You will find yourself pausing in your mundane activity to witness the stunning and regal presence of an eagle, the king of the sky, a creature epitomizing divine strength and ability;

but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;

they shall mount up with wings like eagles;

they shall run and not be weary;

they shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:31


Regardless of where you are in your mission, my hope is that my eagle paintings inspire you to mount up and reinstate your assignment. Renew your strength. Our lives are a gift, and our talents and opportunities are, too. So, use your manners, cuz our mamas taught us to be grateful recipients. Let us say thank you, and use these gifts to serve the mission for good, even and especially when it makes us stand out, feel separate, and alone. Because, you are not alone, not at all. You have the greatest gift of all.

Those who have moved mountains on this earth did so by trusting that sensation in the heart that pulled them upward. These men and women pushed against the grain, streched themselves and the limits of possibility. These people stepped outside the lines of expectation, and set out to do what others said can’t be done. And, when the ground birds blasted cowardly claims, these eagles were mounting up, high above the noise with diligent patience and immense trust, sharply observing and coming to know what no one else could even see.

It’s not for nothin’. Our lives were designed to be successful. Let us mount up like eagles. May we have faith in our wings.

Ephesians 3:20

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