So many emotions are stirred up during the process of creating a single painting. You’d think being a painter would be such relaxing and mellow career. Sometimes it is…. I suppose. But, each and every painting I complete sends me through the ringer. It is a cycle of emotions. It’s occurred to me that the process is a lot like birthing, nurturing and raising a little person. Ridiculously trying, but absolutely rewarding at the end of the day.
When I start a painting, it’s exciting and new, and then, I get tired and confused. I have high moments of encouragement and accomplishment only to follow with a new challenge to resolve. Every painting is like a therapy session with myself. Every painting challenges me to get out of my own head and think with my heart. My heart doesn’t know the principles and elements of design or how to mix color, so I have to revisit my head throughout the process, careful not to stay there too long, for the critics in my head are very mean…Back to the heart where forgiveness and openness live. Can you see how it is an internally exhausting practice? And if you’re a parent, it may sound all too familiar.
Being a mom is a lot like being an artist. That must be why motherhood has inspired my art more than anything else ever has. Both roles involve creating something totally new. Both take heart and soul and guts….so much guts…boldness and reliance on faith and trust. Both roles require a tricky combination of head and heart, and will lead you to question everything about yourself and even push you to a tearful breaking point before it’s all said and done. The middle stage of a painting is a nurturing experience. It’s a delicate process of preserving what you have already accomplished while also building on new layers and developments, careful not to disturb what is meant to be; careful not to listen to the critic in the head (and ears).
Do you ever feel like it’s all suppose to be easier? Isn’t there a point when we have all this figured out, and maybe we just get to coast for a bit? We're always like “I just gotta get through this week, and everything will be better.” But the next week comes with new things to tackle and overcome. The thing is, the hard stuff is hard for a reason. The challenges we work and struggle to overcome are not useless. They come with a result of one kind or another.
This series of paintings is about building on firm foundations. My own most solid foundation came from my dad. He really drove this one home…My sister and I even laugh about how often he told us this, but then again, here I am living it out every day and sharing this with you, too, so it looks like he knew a little something about repetition. His big, main life lesson was honesty; the importance of being honest with yourself.
Flash-forward 25 years, and my big, main thing with my own children is respect. Respect is both a noun and verb. You can have it, and you can do it, and so there is no excuse for it not to exist in some form.
Parenting puts us through the ringer. I get tired. I get confused. I have high moments of encouragement and accomplishment only to follow with a new challenge to resolve. Every day is like a therapy session with myself. Every day challenges me to get out of my own head and think with my heart. In the end I return to foundations; the ones my Daddy gave me, to be honest with myself, and the ones I feel that God gave me; respect others and myself. Returning to these foundations is what helps me to parent with my heart and not my head which too often tells me what I “ought” to do.
Just as we selectively choose elements to focus and build on when creating art, we can focus on key elements to help us raise our young children, even the fiery ones. By the third child, I am a more chill mom than I was with my first, but that is still not that chill. I have to stay on my own ass reminding myself not to dwell on the little things…some things are just not worth the battle, and in the end, they don’t matter. I also have an old fashioned parenting style that I am learning to mix with a little contemporary “you do you, kid”. Instead of focusing on all the ‘shoulds’ of the old ways, I am working to focus on building the foundations that really count, that always have and always will, regardless of time period and parenting style. I’m focused on raising them to always remember one really important thing. My repeating words may just be background noise to them now, but I trust that one day, they will actually find themselves applying it. Maybe even teaching their own children the same thing. Hell, maybe they’ll even be writing about it too!
My base coat in parenting is respect. Everybody deserves respect. Remembering to ‘have respect for yourself’ is sometimes as difficult as ‘being honest with yourself’, but both are important to understand as early as possible, and you’re never too old to learn, either. Respect is a character trait they can forever count on and return to. Even when life puts us through the ringer, when we find ourselves in that whirlwind cycle of emotions and worries, that foundation is always there. It’s a structure you can come home to every time.
To my children,
Here it is in writing for you to always know and keep:
Respect others, and respect yourself. Respect that everyone is different because that was God’s plan. Respect yourself by not letting anyone tell you who you should be or how you should live your life. Respect yourself by never letting anyone belittle you or make you feel inadequate and do the same for others. Respecting yourself by not allowing anyone to take advantage of you; have a backbone and keep boundaries. Know when and how to respectfully speak up for yourself. Respect yourself by doing your best; aim for results that make you proud. Respect yourself by knowing what makes you happy and what does not. This is your one and only life and no one else’s. You best respect it.